Ptown Plekke, Jozi Jols

There is a stink of Kurt Darren outside Loftus’ beloved walls. The sizzling boerewors en tjops. Lynwood Road traps four schools in proud blazers as the purple pavements stand proud and steady.  O, Liefling! Union.

There is a lady that wears a leopard. Proud, too. Her eyes hidden behind Italian shades. A pendulum that sways with the equal distribution of boutique bags. Reptiles that hold Madibas in their bottomless jaws. Bottomless mocha-frotho-latte contraptions.

 Skinny jeans between okes with sharp khaki. Manicured politician gardens and Jaguars that dodge fevered taxis with the hoot-hoot ego that comes with the ‘GP’ design. A slow grapple on tar towards the neighbours forty clicks away. A promise of the N1 chaos and turnoffs that host skeletal boys who point to their mouths with promising eyes. A minute away, Waterkloof’s gates hold their heads high.

Pretoria_City-view_2242

Houghton – said with an accent that needs practice.
Sandton –said with an accent that needs a stiff upper lip.
There is choreography of models that sweat.
If your pecks ain’t big enough, get out bru.

If you don’t play rugby, get out.
There’s an art class for you.
If you don’t sokkie, if you don’t braai
Then the Capital will skop you out
School bag over the shoulders, barefoot break-time

And the Rolex is pulled back, glanced over
The train silent in its approach
The business deals between business deals
and the media that cracks the stories
of Africa’s mighty Big Apple
the high-rise secrets
Big City Life

jozi

As jy mooi luister, kan jy dit hoor
Hatfield se studente wat stumble
soos masjiene wat drink nodig het
Oiling of the cog
Arcade se rockers
Presley’s se Jackie Louw

Monster hats
and the zooted rims
that need a little shine
The South rises
and there is hurry of fists
dancing to the rhythm of summer

Empire strikes back

Arcade Empire,Pretoria’s colossal live gig hang-out, is back and better than ever with its grand re-opening on 20 July. It’s bigger and better. Mastered with cool kids, local bands making great music and DJ’s dropping bass, The Empire is sure to bring about a new age in Pretoria’s rather subdued night life. For me, it’s a favourite. Hatfield can keep its drunken high-schoolers and okes and Centurion can keep its zef. While Jozi  boasts Gauteng’s grand spots, Arcade is the coolest. Also, we don’t have Avastar (cue vomit). Arcade’s new venue will be kicking and will definitely attract more with the always impressive weekend line-ups, pizza and drink specials. The atmosphere is either laid-back or insane.

20 July, Grand Re-opening featuring Wrestlerish (local boys and Arcade regulars),  Taxi Violence, Isochronous, Van Coke Kartel and  Moejoe vs Minx.

Entrance is FREE.

New digs: 265 The Highway Street, Equestria, Pretoria East  (-25.767651,  28.326498)

These are some of the tracks from each artist that I love to see live:

Wrestlerish:

 

Taxi Violence

 

Isochronus

 

Van Coke

 

 

 

Desmond and The Tutus launch MNUSIC

Arcade Empire, Pretoria’s best live gig hangout, is moving to a bigger and better venue come July and will be closing on a massive high with Desmond and The Tutus celebrating the launch of their brand-spanking-new album “MNUSIC” on Saturday 30 June. Desmond has been a favourite of mine for some time.

Their tunes are vibey, energetic, humourous and catchy. They are still my band to beat when it comes to live performances and they breathe an easy-going presence while a lot of other bands reek of arrogance  in their walk up to fame. For them, its about having a good time, making great songs and giving audiences performances they’ll always remember.

If you are a Desmond ‘Live’ virgin, I feel for you. There is nothing more fantastical then singing the old favourites, cracking The German Modern and dancing like you’ve had Red Bull zapped into your wrist. They bring fun back into rock. Just visit their website (www.desmondandthetutus.co.za) and you’ll get a laugh out of their ‘penis enlargment-sangoma-type’ pages. On their Facebook page, their profile picture pokes a little fun at another South African band (see below)

Take a listen to their stuff and be AMA-zinged and check them out live if you have the chance. You won’t regret it:

Some older hits:

Purple glaze: Pretoria

 Purple glaze

Soggy streets

The lightning flash

The shudder

Picket fences

Booms

Sunnyside without the sun

Sky buildings below

Women sell their legs

 

Voortrekker steps

Steps

Steps

Still steps

To those before us

 

The boy on Atterbury shaking in shorts

The student who pops

Hatfield’s fanatical

Die manne wat rugby kyk

Loftus se blou blou hart

Scrum boeta!

 

The dancefloor’s illegal

As they swing around

swig the cane train

Shudder

Across the road, robots swap

Police on the trail

Midnight meals

Burnett is burnt

In high-rise cheques

And morning regrets

Shudder on the railway tracks

 

The old

Set in the dingy

The president’s place

With men who have no faces

Guns and get out

The helicopter garage

The parks rich in green

Tanned in June’s rime

The statues that tell of beginnings

Politician palace

Embassy entourage

 

The little blazers

of four-squared schools that march

the derby days

the chugging buses

the snag

 

The malls glitz

The Kolannade’s swift

Cars with lights, wheels with stones

The Sunday flea market bargains

The church-goers

The sinners who collect Friday nights

Afrikaans se plek

Engels everywhere

The rock, the smoking rock

The dance of the night

N1 buzzing through hell

Adverts that sell you

Die FM wat kook

 

Streets we name by their old names

The zoo’s circling happiness

THE CAPITOL

The paint

A zoom zoom with the train

Phuza

 

Menlyn movies

Square is juvenile

Tiger Tiger roars

Ty’s cries with heels

Arcadebounces off rocksters

Brooklyn’s coffee and cake

Aandklas’ se ou Queen en Marley hits

Duncan’s high eats

The gardens sparkle

The ponds with the nannies

The putt-putt caves

 

Purple glaze

In the capitol’s rays